Pineapple Shnackies

When pondering what snacks you desire to eat, it's not always about WHAT you want to eat, but HOW you want to eat it.


Let's take, for example, Ozzy's passion for "fresh" pineapple:


1. Get a can of pineapple ring slices (no such thing as too big, but you decide!) - make sure to get the one with the easy open top, you don't waste your money or time here on can opener baloney.


2. Dump that goodness on a plate and use a fork (not a knife, because that dirties more silverware that you will only need to wash later) to cut the rings in half.


3. If you happen to have some nearby, add cherries to your ensemble for sophistication. This step is also recommended if serving to a snack date - they will be thoroughly impressed with the presentation.

Filling Beefy Meal of Goodness

Ingredients

• 1 lb of ground beef (no lean BS)
• Box o' Bow Tie Pasta
• A thing of broccoli
• Parmesan Cheese (either grated or that weird powdery stuff)

Prep (Practically no time at all!)

• Boil water for the pasta
• Cut the broccoli into bite size pieces or as desired

Cooking (Somewhere in the range of 15 minutes)

• In a frying pan of sorts, brown the ground beef then set aside
• Cook the pasta according the box's instructions
• If you're the type who likes your broccoli steamed, do that, if it helps you sleep at night
• When each is finished, throw it all together in a big ole bowl, sprinkle some parmesan cheese on top, and stir it up all nice like

*Ozzy will eat the whole bowl in one sitting. We recommend you pace yourself and ask your friends for help until you have acquired at least 50 XP. Good luck.

Raw Veggie Surprise

Ingredients

• Any raw vegetables that you like
• Even use vegetables you don't like
• They are good for you!
• Ozzy recommends:
• Onions
• Green/Red Peppers
• Celery
• Carrots
• Rutabagas
• Broccoli

Prep (0-10 minutes)

• Get a knife and chop those veggies up!
• If you choose not to chop, eating will be more of a challenge

Cooking (0 minutes!)

• No need to cook! You're going straight raw!

Serving/Eating

• Arrange your vegetables on a serving dish and present them to your dinner party (or just yourself)
• Eat them at a moderate pace as you will fill up more quickly than you expect!
• *Use caution when sitting within large groups of people in quiet environments for the following two days

Christmas on a Plate

Ingredients

• Pasta of your choice
• Red tomato sauce of your choice
• Green food dye/coloring

Prep (Like 5 friggin' minutes)

• Boil some water
• Put some sauce in a pot and heat it up on a med-low setting

Cooking (8-15 minutes)

• When your water has boiled, spritz in a little tid bit of the green food dye
• Add pasta to the water
• Cook the pasta according the box's instructions, to your own taste

Eating

• When the pasta has finished cooking, drain it using a colander type thing
• It should be green-ish
• Put the drained pasta on a plate or in a bowl if you're that type of person
• Put some red sauce on top
• Voila! You have Christmas on a plate!
• Scarf it down like there's no tomorrow

Blue Rice

Ingredients

• Rice
• Blue Food Coloring/Dye

Prep (Few Minutes)

• Boil some water (in a pot)
• Open the container/bag of rice

Cooking (More than a few minutes)

• Squirt a teensy tad of blue food coloring into the pot of boiling water
• Put in the rice
• Return to a boil
• Reduce heat to simmer
• Cover with a lid
• Let simmer for the duration instructed on your rice bag
• When finished simmering, fluff the rice with a fork
• Serve

Eating

• Blue rice is best enjoyed under a black light
• Use chopsticks to rack up extra difficulty points

Chinese Chicken Nuggets

Ingredients

• Desired quantity of chicken nuggets
• Soy sauce
• Basil (optional)
• Ground ginger (really optional)

Prep (0-5 minutes)

• Preheat over to whatever the chicken nuggets package says
• Lay out nuggets on the cookie sheet thing

Cooking (Time depends)

• Put the nuggets in the oven for the correct time
• After they come out of the oven, sprinkle on your optional ingredients

Eating

• Dip the nuggets in soy sauce before ingesting
• If you're crazy, drizzle the soy sauce on top of the nuggets and eat them with a fork and knife. Or just a fork. Or with your fingers (but they'll get all soy saucey, and some people may frown upon that, but Ozzy never cared, so why should you?).

Iceberg Salad

Ingredients

• Head of iceberg lettuce
• Relative humidity

Prep (0-1 minute)

• Find your desired head of lettuce
• Allow the humidity of the atmosphere to give it some zest
• Results may vary based on locale

"Cooking" (0-30 seconds)

• Put the head of lettuce on a plate/bowl/tummy
• Stick a fork in it
• Serve
• *Note* - can also be eaten with the hands

Eating

• Consume the lettuce with the fork
• Don't even think about "salad dressing"
• That stuff is for fatties and little girls

Chicken Nugget Parm

Ingredients:

• 1 chicken nugget
• A bit of cheese (optional)

Prep (0-20 minutes):

• Defrost the chicken nugget (if frozen)
• Shred cheese (if not already shredded)
• Preheat oven to whatever the chicken nugget box says

Cooking (~15 minutes):

• Put the chicken nugget on a cookie sheet or something
• Put the cookie sheet in the oven for so many minutes
• After the nugget has cooked, sprinkle some cheese on top
• Assuming the nugget is hot after coming out of the oven, the cheese *should* melt

Comments:

• This is an amazing recipe for cheap people looking to lose a few pounds
• It tastes something like chicken and cheese
• *Eating raw or undercooked chicken is bad for you

*Disregard because most frozen nuggets are already cooked